The middle of winter in Lake Almanor

I have a few friends that all left for the winter for 4 month stints. We call them snow birds the snow comes they leave. I get it, if I could, I would too. For the first time in years I felt jealous. I didn’t really want to face another winter it’s hard and long and takes a lot of courage and determination to care for myself and my family and for the most part there aren’t many fun parts. I don’t like it when sonny days end. Summer is my favorite season.

I have found joy in the snow but I am jaded, finicky about the snow. It needs to be a certain way for me to ski on it. So I wait for optimal conditions. Like yesterday, perfection , but I waited too long to get out on it and I didn’t want to contend with a pack of very hungry coyotes in freshly made snow mobile tracks that gave them the freedom to fly their dens and come for us, me and my 3 dogs.  We went out just before dusk, not smart on this wild meadow.

Winters are extra long at 5000 ft. We don’t get to see spring till May.  We are buried in snow till mid April at times. I can’t plant gardens till June 1^st for fear of hard frosts and they have knocked out all my tomatoes sometimes in mid June. Winters are really long here and they are dark too and I suffer from sluggishness, lethargy and apathy (winter depression) I have to fight hard with exercise, sunlight, ott lights, keeping moving, yoga and vitamins, fish oil, flax oil and D-3 are key and added to my daily vitamin regimen. Because we are in a remote area there is not much socializing. The closest movie theater is an hour away. I have learned after 16 winters to adapt to my environment. Making myself ski, cooking well, Netflix.  I always have plenty to do, but during long dark days I do it, I just don’t feel as enthusiastic as I am accustomed to feeling.

And so, the snow finally came and along with it days of no electricity. We adapted. Our house is heated with wood heat and we have propane stove and hot water heater. I have a huge porch that faces the meadow with ice chests on it. Because of the precariousness of where we live I have always kept pretty hefty supplies and set our home up to live without  electricity if need be. We have land lines for phones as well.  We are never behind a day on vacuuming, dishes or laundry and we keep tons of frozen blue icies in the freezer so we can keep the fridge cold too. It was a small hiccup to lose electricity. I only kept out one camping lantern so I cleaned the kitchen with my 8 hour battery pack video light I use for weddings. I had enough charge to cook and clean by it for 4 days.  We have fans that circulate the heat all over our house so when we lost electricity I put giant pots of water on the stove and let the hot vapor heat the house and it was faster and permeated every room.

We went winter camping. 6 Of us worked and ate together. We read and saved battery charged computers for a family movie 500 days (I hated it). We have a giant generator that will run our whole spread, but I wanted my children to adapt and excel. Roll with it, like the whole town had to. We did set up the generator for the freezer just in case.

On day 3 the complaining started and I am one for a good bitch but not about winter, it’s too hard already, a car ride has never been shortened or made easier by complaining and pushing my will about when are we going ot get their.  I won’t allow it and I assume like gallbladders, natural childbirth and appendixes there is a purpose to winter maybe for the regeneration and rejuvenation of my soul. I never came out of a winter not wanting to face sunny day in fact I come out grateful. I am grateful for electricity and snow on the meadow and winter because I am always relieved when it’s over and grateful we made it through.  I am grateful for snow and winter and husbands and children and dogs and woodstoves and propane and skis and paints and kindles and planning and the fact I am Boy Scout and prepared. I am grateful we all got along. I am grateful it’s almost February and winters will be over in a few months. It’s half over and I am grateful!!!!

The light is just right

Tulips in the morning

I want to paint this one

Tulips in the studio

one lilly on christmas

I love flowers, especially tulips, because I love painting them. In order to get myself to do the taxes I don’t want to I am making myself a deal. For every hour you account is an hour to paint. Some flowers in winter

Jesh De Rox happens to be one of my favorite artist photographer creative types. He is a wonderful shooter, but his words hit me harder. I like his words a lot. He has an ability to articulate my understanding of my own process of creating an emotionally charged portrait.  He is a superstar in the American wedding photography industry right now and he is on the road promoting his new Beloved concept. 

How I create a photograph is by co creating and collaborating with my client. Working together with my client for an authentic emotionally charged portrait. I relate to Jesh when he talks about what is a good photograph. Like him, because I had no real formal classroom training, my definition of a strong photograph had to have elements of authentic emotionally honesty. I have no passion for the contrived or false. I can’t help it and when I am met with a dead energy I have no passion to pursue it. I have come to accept this as a truth for me.

I learned by doing. As a fashion model scout I can look at someone’s face, in person, which is in 3-D and know what it will look like in a one dimensional photo. Finding photogenic people is easy for me.  But I soon became surprised when a stunner of a girl would have no authentic connection to her own spirit.  It was blocked by ego. I found they were trying to be something they perceived I wanted rather than what they are.

My job today is very clear. Set them at ease in all ways. Convey to them I am trustworthy and a safe person to be allowed to view them in their authentic state of being. In order to do this I must convey the same thing to them. The fact that they allow me to look and photo captures them is a phenomenal honor. I am blown away by the sacredness.

When working with a new couple it is a must I shoot their engagement session. It is included in any package as well. But it is essential for the strongest of images come their wedding day.  I have to understand my subject, their feeling for each other and above all set them at ease so that when they see me again on their wedding they are genuinely happy. How they react to my presence, my camera is paramount. This is the reason I love photographing people so much. If they allow me to see them then I know I have really done my job. All the rest of the technical photograph stuff is easy, skill I can learn in bed reading. Being good with people only comes from interacting with them and if it goes wrong looking at my part.

I teach watercolor to 4^th grade and 6^th grade this year. I can practice my people skills with each human I encounter.  People are reactive by nature so what I give first 9 out of 10 times is what they are going to convey back.

Jesh says if you want your clients to drop all the walls, the pretense of ego and fear and to be raw, authentic, real, then I must show up channeling the same energy. Truth be told humans are such intuit creatures whether they are consciously aware of it or not that it is quite apparent when someone is covering something up, channeling  a false energy showing up with the fear of not being likeable. I must confess as well that I fear people won’t like me.  It is an inside job though that I have to willing to work on it continuously and consistently. The more comfortable I am with me, accept me, I find the more my clients are at ease with me as well. The more non judgmental I am of myself and them the more authentic they can be.