It began a few weeks ago with a dry horsey echoing from above our room. I knew it sounded bad the sound of lungs being ripped apart. I have known the sound of that pain, I have felt that pain. When Tristan woke up in the morning he said his lungs hurt. I believed him and so began a few weeks of what two doctors believe to be the H1n1  for  Olivia,  Jane and Tristan, although they were not tested it seems to be the only Flu curculating at this point. So began the 4 squares a day and dishes galore. The dish washer broke at the same time. I would make breakfast give them expectorant, Tamiflu, vitamins,  make tea,  go to the studio and edit for 2 hours, then back in the house to do it again and so on. This lasted for 9 days. It was a really long process and a storm moved in and the rains began on the parched meadow. It felt as if it were dark for a week. I began to feel tired and hungry and out of balance from a kidney infection myself. It had been days of BLAH. Today Jane woke up with a cough again. A secondary infection has moved in and I am back on intense watch. I am on the lookout for any slight alterations in behavior, fever, color of her skin. I know she has an infection our family Doc came over and listened to her lungs and no pneumonia is present at this point and we have antibiotics on hand waiting to see which corner she turns. Not fun and as a mom I worry.

I am also in between a big move. I am moving to MAC book pro and then this spring to a BIG MAC because I am way over sucky computers with sucky issues. I have 3 PCs that all suck on some level.  If want to play in the big leagues I have to have tools that support that. I have amazing cameras and now I need amazing work flow tools. I am not having much fun though.

To keep my spirits up I have been walking in the meadow and I have been painting again and it is what it is but I am very rusty and am doing many warm up exercises. I asked Liv what she thought about a couple of my pieces and she said “Well you used to be much better, but remember practice makes perfect Mommy, at least that’s what you have always told us”. I am going through the motions, but I really love the process. I have not painted a thing I feel excited about, but I feel excited I am painting. This is a change. I have neglected my need to nurture my artist with expectations that everything I create has to be sales worthy. Sometimes creating for me just needs to be a process of engaging with my creative side. This was a busy year for me and I let my self-care go and I let my work get way out of balance. So now I am trying to stay committed to keeping my brush wet even if it is crap I am painting.

Here are some of the images  I shot while the kids were sick. I  walked the dogs on the meadow a few times this week and they are always fun for me to shoot.  Life in the sick James house on the meadow in the Chester Lake Almanor basin is what I am calling this body of work.

cooking for sick kids, but they think its for them

This is what it looks like when I am cooking

Argus and dead yarrow

Kira shapera at sunset

So regal

Cows just off our fence at moonrise

waiting

she wants to be first