Jane is one of my muses and by muse I mean she really makes me feel like painting, photographing and writing. All of my children and my husband at one time or another will invoke a creative drive for me. Yesterday it was Jane all dressed up for a Holloween dance where noone dressed up. She came right back home and slipped into jeans, but I was able to grab these before she ran off.

Jane

Lady Jane

Twilight

Mask

Dark Skys

A little Paolo

up close

Jane

Lassen

Big Meadows

A preview of yesterdays wedding. Lauren and Ethan.

Sunset Alone

Kyle making her laugh

The Lake

The Landscape

Her Flowers

Golden light

The biggest maple tree I have ever seen

It has taken me 16 winters to understand the rhythm of where I live. I live on the South Eastern slope of the Lassen National Forest in a tiny town named Chester. I can see Lake Almanor from my kitchen , just beyond the meadow. It’s fall here. We are also surrounded by an aspen grove and massive cottonwood trees. It takes an hour and fifteen minutes to get to Chico by following a very curvy byway 32.  The colors are spectacular. Our friend Steve says it’s a Coors commercial. Here are some images from our treks down the last few weeks.

A Bamboo Forest in Chico

My muse My manThe biggest maple tree I have ever seen

The rest area at Deer Creek....on the Trek down the Hill

The Colors on the Creek

Indian Rubarb...Golden light

A piece I wrote almost 4 years ago. I have to 700 sq ft studio now still on the property, and not such a great view.

I have finally arrived home. I live on the edge of a great meadow. Beyond the meadow is a lake, which I have full view of, if it’s full enough and this year it is. The meadow and the lake border a national forest, one of the least frequented ones in the nation, also one of the most treacherous. It contains volcanoes. This is the first home of my own. My husband and I share it with our 5 children and 2 dogs now. The oldest Scout, who was with us for the last 13 years we put down last week. Argus is 3, he is our oldest now. He has cancer, hence the new pup Titus. I cannot be dog less. We have 3 goldfish in a tank in our living room, sometimes wildlife on the meadow choose to come over our white picket fence to forage for meadow mice that run to our home for sanctuary.

I have personally seen hawks, osprey, crows, sparrow hawks, igrids, snow geese, Canada geese, swans, sea gulls, Bald and golden eagles, blue birds, ducks (many types) pelicans, sand hill cranes, swallows, bob cats, the tracks of a cougar, many coyote dead and alive, raccoon, deer mice (the nasty ones that carry Hanta virus), a wood marmot (that was weird), beaver, and rat.

I love the meadow. I ski it every day in the winter, or did until the knee issue, out to the shores of the lake. I fancy myself CSI of the meadow to see the story the snow is trying to tell. Frantic tracks of rabbit running (deeper tracks) at first in straight line, then the dodge, this way and that, the tracks go, then blood, spatters of it, around the blood, an area where it seems as if someone has taken a feathered fan and tried to dust the snow with it, then nothing, gone. No more tracks the story is over. AHHHHHHHHHHHA. It must have been an Eagle, ll foot wing span, a big enough bird to lift that fat rabbit (deep tracks). There are many stories on the meadow. When the snow comes it’s easier to read. Coyotes eat their own dead, nothing is wasted. Even the blood is licked off the snow. I come upon many dens in the snow. Daytime travel on the meadow is safe. Except for the birds, most of the meadow life is nocturnal. Coyotes eat the meadow mice. It’s a rare occasion to see one doing so in daylight. They are efficient hunters. To read the hunt of a coyote after a mouse is about 20 ft of track in the snow. They sniff them out on top. Then dive like an osprey does for a fish.

The summer is tough, the grasses are high and the packs of coyote and raccoon remain hidden. The meadow is load at night. The animals are in full conversation or war. The coyotes will send one of their bitches in heat to lure and intact male (still has his testicles), from the neighborhood, out for breading rights and it doesn’t matter his size he becomes their dinner. Raccoons do the same. They are vicious killers. At night I watch my dogs when they go out to relieve themselves. Sometimes the killing can be heard and it is blood chilling. A pack of animals taking out its victim is not usually recorded in audio and the pitch of the yelps and screams turns my stomach. I can hear them all playing at first, they are load with their howls. Once the growling begins I know its dog prey has been surrounded. I want to save it, but I know the last cry as it smothers silent. Its neck has either been torn out or broken. I usually don’t sleep too well on those nights and I am left to ponder the natural world and who made it.

When I was little I dreamt of living on the edge of the wilderness. Now I do. My art studio /cottage /spare bedroom/ when I fight with my husband is 266 square feet of my heaven. It faces the meadow. Out the grid windows is my small kitchen garden, white picket fences and a dedicated area for ashes of our beloved dead. I have Scout buried on our back yard side. A tiny fertile garden with delphiniums asters, daisies, pink climbing roses, zinnias, hollyhocks, sunflowers, peonies, iris, lavender, rosemary, thyme, chives, sage line the fence. I have a small version of an old fashioned English garden with its bounty bursting through the fences, beyond is the wild, just as I dreamt of. I have a 1880s coal stove sitting in the south western corner, where I burn almond kindling in lu of smoking. I have to crack the window though or I’ll die of carbon monoxide poisoning. The fire is to help warm me, but mostly to soothe my spirit. Staring into the flames helps.

I finally have a room of my own and I come here whenever possible to connect with that divine power that created me. This place is my sanctuary and it has been a long journey here. I fear this is only a pit stop, a resting place. I hope to remain for a long delicious time. When we moved to the Inn’s Barn 12.5 years ago I recall looking over the fence and thinking of it (the fence) as the border to heaven, behind it a vast wilderness, a couple of houses and to the east a huge meadow. Boundless. I read CS Lewis’s book “The Great Divorce“. and I thought of the fence as the boundary to heaven. –”There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘Thy will be done.’” However, the narrator’s descriptions of sin and temptation will hit quite close to home for many readers. Lewis has a genius for describing the intricacies of vanity and self-deception, and this book is tremendously persistent in forcing its reader to consider the ultimate consequences of everyday pettiness. –Michael Joseph Gross –

Now I’m on the other side of the fence, the Heaven side. I know I’m an eternal being over here, not without growing pains and afflictions, but with the knowledge, that no matter what happens to me, no matter what I choose, no matter how sick or well I am, I am an eternal being. I will eternally remain my creators. My one true vocation is to listen with all aspects of my receptors, all of my senses for the next indicated sign. I am to love forgive and serve. All things I knew would bring me misery. So, I avoided them at all costs, I now work vigorously to accept and understand and to obediently observe.

I have spent too many years on the other side being petty I suppose and sometimes still do. I am so glad to be on this side of the fence.

More on Crystal and Sam’s wedding from The Centerville Estates outside of Chico California.

Almost Ready

It's time

A moment alone

A wedding guest

A happy wedding guest

together

Their Wedding Party

A kiss

We live in a remote area of California. We came here from the Bay Area 16 years ago, exactly, to be a tighter family and work together as a family to manage a small Inn. A lifetime later I find myself waking to a sunbeam through my window. As I rise I feel golden filtered light cascade through the windows to touch my body. I gaze out to the same view I have seen for years except everyday a bit different. This morning the mists are up, nothing between my porch and eternity. Out across the tall dried grasses marking the beginning of fall are the mists, reminiscent of the moors of Ireland. As they rise they make way for the view of the top of our Lake Almanor, the marshy area where wild things grow and then it begins. Boom Boom…Boom ….Boom Boom Boom, shot guns sound off, duck hunters first light.  I make my coffee to this view and sound. Thinking of my journey from San Francisco to this remote and cold place and I think, I am so lucky and I never want to move away from this view or Lilly’s ashes.

So they come to me or I go to them. For high school senior portraiture they come to my studio, for weddings I go to them. This is a session I shot last night with a beautiful senior inside and out. I am sure I say this all the time, but portraiture is so special to me. I get to spend 2 hours getting to know the essence someone. It is 99% of the time a spiritual growth experience for me to get to document their moment of the in-between, just before they go off into the world and they know they are going. Photographs to mark the beginning of this journey of the evolution of their being.  Big stuff for them for me.

back light

Id kill for this skin

What a smile

Studio

All there

Happy

The meadow

Lovely

I have known Ty just about his whole life!! It’s been my pleasure. I love this kid.

All there

A boy and his dog

a boy and his girl

A cold day

The studio

My favorite

Kim you kill me

His way

I am the mother of 3 young men and one girl jock, Jane, the other daughter, she is a scrapper, but would prefer singing and dancing. Ryon was a three sports kid his whole life with me. He went on to be the

starting quarterback, at 17, at Mendocino college where he ranked 4th in the state and 7th in the nation for his division and his 5′ 10″ frame. He was always a testosterone drivin kid. Tristan is the same.

My husband is a Plumas County Deputy Sheriff at his peak he putting up 420. He is the range master in our county, a coroner, a mixed martial arts practitioner and grappler. He’s a boy, a big one and

he happens to be my second shooter. A side affect of being my second shooter is his shooting patterns are almost perfect. Guns cameras kind of the same as far as the aim.

Politically I am anti guns and fists, but I have found myself surrounded and I love these boys. I cut my teeth on the blood sport of football  photographing Ryon playing quarterback for 6 years.

I smoked and shot a lot at those games. The stress was insane, especially when he would get laid out from a sack because his O line had an off day. As a mother, I hurt when my babies hurt,

as shooter I keep moving.  Shooting keeps me in the slice of  the second, no time to hurt over the past or fear the future. Shooting is a way for me to ride the moment without freaking out.

Shooting keeps me safe in the midst of all these extreme men. I prefer the beautiful, obviuosly with all the beautiful creatures I photograph, but I have begun to find the beauty in one facing his or her own

fear. I see beauty in courage, perseverance, the never give up never die attitude.

I cry every time I watch the movie Rudy and it’s seven times now. I cry when the underdog wins gold. I am not a cryer but this stuff gets to me. Natural childbirth and two home births made me feel

like a winner. I faced my greatest fear, pain, death of me or my child and still the worst pain, hands down, and came out the other end in awe of what my human body could endure and my spirit.

The other night I signed up to shoot our friend Robbie Hammill in his first mixed martial arts fight in Reno. I photographed 10 fights. This is a brutal blood sport.

Ready

Set

out

Win

He won in about 4 seconds. 

I met Monica when she was 5 another of Livs great freinds and I feel so honored to get to see her all grown up be a little part of her teenage life. She is a joy to be around.

The Wall

Simple make up

an odd angle but we like it

Int he party Frock

Sun going down

Sittin in the Mud.

A little Bella

Twilight Light

The Meadow